thoughts

Today while driving to work, my mind began to go back to when I was in grammar school. Why that happened I do not know. I can say now that I hated those days, I hated my grammar school.

Growing up was very difficult during the 70's.  There was alot of racism that people learned to ignore. At that time I didn't know how close to our hearts Malcolm X was or Martin Luther King, Jr. was.   All I knew was that there was this guy with red hair and shades and he was rather cool - and my brother said SHHHH whenever he was on the tv, so he could hear him better.  
My school was a catholic school and it was closer to my home than the public school.  I am glad that I attended there because I feel I learned alot.  I learned about Christ and I learned about racism.  I was put in the slower group of children.. those that had problems with learning. I never had a problem with learning.  I was actually quite smart. 

I also found that the teachers acted like I wasn't learning as quickly as other students even if I gave the exact same answer. Knowing what I know now, the teachers in that school were not good teachers.  They were women that held a job, most likely not even a degree.  Certainly some were much better than others. I remember a Ms. Syzrak that was very cool and she didn't seem like the others.  She would actually talk to me and listen when I spoke.  She told me that I was pretty and smart.  I remember a Ms. Downing that taught me history from grade 6 thru 8.  In grade 6 - she taught me that the slaves were uncivilized animals that were running around in Africa and that the white man brought them over and CIVILIZED them! It enraged me then, and still does today. Oh I forgot to mention when we weren't called slaves in her class, we were niggers and negroes and uncivilized animals.  I sat there so hurt. I hated that class and that big, fat, ugly woman with nasty, greasy hair. 

 I recall vividly when ROOTS came on. Oh my God I felt the pain that they experienced. I was tortured everyday during that time.  The students would push me in the street and say I was not worthy of sharing the sidewalk.  They would snatch my hat off and throw it down the stairs, just as I made it to the top. Guess who got in trouble for not being able to hold on to her belongings?  Yep, me! I was only friends with a few outcasts.. They were the only ones that would speak to me. 

 It was a school of maybe 400 students and there were about 4 blacks in it.  We were in different grades and different stages, I found the boys were more friendly towards the boy that attended. He and them would play around and act silly.  There was a girl that I knew and she was about 3 grades behind me.. she didnt get as much racism - maybe because of age.. I dont know. Maybe I will really have to ask her. I know I threw out my 8th grade yearbook, I wasnt in it.  It said Picture not available... funny since I took a picture. I even have the picture.  I had on a yellow robe and I think I looked cute.. Lol

I know that it was hard for me to want to attend every single day. I remember talking with my parents about the school and what was happening.  I can not fault them for what they felt at that time. I guess it was more about safety.  Now that I am a parent - I can say I understand. My dad told me and to this day I can hear it clearly, "June people will be racist, they will hurt your feelings, but you must learn to IGNORE them." He stressed that to me  "THEY are ignorant for the behavior they put forth". As a parent I say the same things to my children.  However, my husband and I knew we wanted to raise children in a multi-cultural area.  We wanted them to have friends of every nationality.  We wanted them to be able to relate to anyone and everyone. We told them about racism but didnt want them to experience it. I know I can not shelter them from that but I am a mom, and I will try. Like the song says... I will cry your tears for you. That's exactly how I feel.