thoughts

Today while driving to work, my mind began to go back to when I was in grammar school. Why that happened I do not know. I can say now that I hated those days, I hated my grammar school.

Growing up was very difficult during the 70's.  There was alot of racism that people learned to ignore. At that time I didn't know how close to our hearts Malcolm X was or Martin Luther King, Jr. was.   All I knew was that there was this guy with red hair and shades and he was rather cool - and my brother said SHHHH whenever he was on the tv, so he could hear him better.  
My school was a catholic school and it was closer to my home than the public school.  I am glad that I attended there because I feel I learned alot.  I learned about Christ and I learned about racism.  I was put in the slower group of children.. those that had problems with learning. I never had a problem with learning.  I was actually quite smart. 

I also found that the teachers acted like I wasn't learning as quickly as other students even if I gave the exact same answer. Knowing what I know now, the teachers in that school were not good teachers.  They were women that held a job, most likely not even a degree.  Certainly some were much better than others. I remember a Ms. Syzrak that was very cool and she didn't seem like the others.  She would actually talk to me and listen when I spoke.  She told me that I was pretty and smart.  I remember a Ms. Downing that taught me history from grade 6 thru 8.  In grade 6 - she taught me that the slaves were uncivilized animals that were running around in Africa and that the white man brought them over and CIVILIZED them! It enraged me then, and still does today. Oh I forgot to mention when we weren't called slaves in her class, we were niggers and negroes and uncivilized animals.  I sat there so hurt. I hated that class and that big, fat, ugly woman with nasty, greasy hair. 

 I recall vividly when ROOTS came on. Oh my God I felt the pain that they experienced. I was tortured everyday during that time.  The students would push me in the street and say I was not worthy of sharing the sidewalk.  They would snatch my hat off and throw it down the stairs, just as I made it to the top. Guess who got in trouble for not being able to hold on to her belongings?  Yep, me! I was only friends with a few outcasts.. They were the only ones that would speak to me. 

 It was a school of maybe 400 students and there were about 4 blacks in it.  We were in different grades and different stages, I found the boys were more friendly towards the boy that attended. He and them would play around and act silly.  There was a girl that I knew and she was about 3 grades behind me.. she didnt get as much racism - maybe because of age.. I dont know. Maybe I will really have to ask her. I know I threw out my 8th grade yearbook, I wasnt in it.  It said Picture not available... funny since I took a picture. I even have the picture.  I had on a yellow robe and I think I looked cute.. Lol

I know that it was hard for me to want to attend every single day. I remember talking with my parents about the school and what was happening.  I can not fault them for what they felt at that time. I guess it was more about safety.  Now that I am a parent - I can say I understand. My dad told me and to this day I can hear it clearly, "June people will be racist, they will hurt your feelings, but you must learn to IGNORE them." He stressed that to me  "THEY are ignorant for the behavior they put forth". As a parent I say the same things to my children.  However, my husband and I knew we wanted to raise children in a multi-cultural area.  We wanted them to have friends of every nationality.  We wanted them to be able to relate to anyone and everyone. We told them about racism but didnt want them to experience it. I know I can not shelter them from that but I am a mom, and I will try. Like the song says... I will cry your tears for you. That's exactly how I feel. 

Punta Cana

We returned from Punta Cana and I can say... whew the sun is STRONG!
Okay I got tanned or redder...like Lobster. We enjoyed it and the relaxation was wonderful. I did find that I didn't have the humidity issues that I do at home..(in Jersey). My hair actually behaved. That was a switch. I am truly happy about that. Can you see my smile.... ???

On another note..I am contemplating starting a YOUTUBE channel that focuses on life, and being over 40..I am sure I cant be the only over 40 something year old engrossed with YOUTUBE. I am learning so much, I have seen there are many ways to become oneself and surprisingly, I am learning it from strangers that have almost become part of my daily life. I watch to see make up tutorials and outfits of the day for style strategies, that I can incorporate into my own. I can not dress nor look like the 21 year olds - but they truly have inspired me to be a BETTER me! A more confident and riskier me. I learned about hair and nails, and so much more. I am amazed that these young people have learned so much in their short lives, however I do see with YOUTUBE its a big advantage. Wish it was more of this type of learning capability when I was 21... could have avoided many a dressing disaster. So, if there are things I can share - its some of what I have learned. Maybe I can reach out to others that are just like me. I would love your comments... Please let me know your thoughts. Closing for today.... Enjoy the shade!  BTW = )  Wear sunscreen!!!

Date Night

Last night we actually went out on a date! Yes!  strange to each of us attending - (well the women), was that it was NO SPECIAL REASON! That was wonderful and kudos to our husbands for treating us.  It was a truly enjoyable evening and I think my hair was in a good state. You all know, especially if you have curly hair that it does what it wants to do. I love that and hate that at the same time.  Yep, I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Isn't that really the normal feelings one has..?  Back to our date, it was to a Cuban restaurant - excellent food and atmosphere (Son Cubano). The date even could have ended with dancing if the MEN were not so tired. However, I must confess I am so bad at Spanish dancing, I may have tried if my sweetie had grabbed me to cha cha a bit! It was a pleasant evening and I am sure glad that we have such wonderful friends to share it with. 
I find as I age (gracefully I might add) that its the special occasions that we share with those we love and respect that are the most enjoyable.  I enjoy just watching my husband laugh and smile, it makes me fall deeper and more passionately in love with him. He and my children can always make a blue day(even a bad hair day) better just by just being. I am so blessed.
Hair has become a major part of my life and my family will never understand this, but no doubt they all know they are first! Maybe this is the start to something new and we shall encounter more frequent date nights, who knows? Signing off for today.... Daqueen

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Updating the process

Hey there = ) I know I have been rather absent. I have been keeping up with life and that is enough at times. Since my last blog update I have gotten older, wiser and sexier! OK... at least older and wiser! My hair is indeed growing but only I can really see it! LOL - I find when its soaking wet and I am in the shower, that is when the hair is easily noticed as being LONGER! Yay! But the downside is as it dries... shrinkage takes over! That is the worst part of having curly hair, actually natural hair in general.  I have included a photo from winter when the sun was out and in my next blog you will see the difference in my growth and hopefully texture. I have stopped being the product junkie that I was, I basically have decided to stick with what works. I love Kinky-Curly but can afford Eco-Styler! SO I will use both and depending on the event, depends on which you will catch me in.  I do promise that I will keep you better updated. I will try to include some OOTD (outfit of the day) so you can see for your self that I am not only hair, perhaps you will notice that I am a sexy 40+ year old woman with my own style... WHY? Because finally I am grown... Lol  (Just kidding).
I also want to start including some make-up ideas..No I am not professional and basically I am learning to manipulate make up to assist me in looking good. Again, hopefully you will want to explore and journey with me.  Its more fun to learn with another. So lets learn together.
ttyl.... Daqueen

Adjustment

My hair is growing and I am feeling excited.  Its changing and I love it !!!! The hair stays curly and isn't as frizzy. I feel like it's a big change to accept oneself fully. I have made that adjustment finally. Am I always happy with myself? No, is anyone - "always" happy? Im overweight, but I love me. My family loves me and thats enough for me.

big chop

Okay, I did it! I have taken off my straight ends... I am not sure if I like my hair, but I will learn to love it. Already I see it is different than it use to be.  It has alot of shrinkage. Its very curly in the front with beautiful curls and in the back... whew. Its kinda frizzy and seems like a entire different texture. This is of course what I initially found frustrating and lead me to a perm in the first place.  However, now being an adult - I know I can choose to do this better. I will try products (Yes, I have become a product junkie) and I will learn what works the best in my hair. I have tried some products that I know worked before (with straight ends) and I will need to re-test.
Kinky Curly was like heaven in a jar and Knot Today is whew - blessed. I do like Shea Moisture the curl enhancing product, I use a little with the Eco-Styler which works VERY well in my hair.  The Miss Jessies I will need to re-try as before it did nothing for my straight hair but the part that curled was very tight. It looked strange before so now I will check it again.  I liked the TIGI Catwalk Rocks.. That is a wonderful product. It was moisturizing and gave me beautiful curls. Although I may need to try it since my cut.  The Carols Daughter.. makes me have very tight and moist curls but it reminds me alot of the curly afro. I will keep you posted and will update some photos.. from one to the other you are able to see the changes...